I won't say it is natural but at this point it comes naturally. I think the ease comes from being aware of what motivates each of us and for me the understanding that both of our roles are necessary to balanced kids and to balance our lives.
I appreciate that Mr A is a man and fathers the children like an A personality man. He appreciates that I am a woman and I mother the children like a nurturing woman. I am the mother that says, "I will tell your father" and the kids get act right. Perhaps I set the feminist movement back but I am okay with that. I have always said feminism is destructive to black folks as our men were never oppressing us. We were both oppressed. Feminism let white women earn more than black men and that money goes to support families of white men #solidarityisforwhitewomen is real. I proudly proclaim that my kids need their father and I need him. I pray that we are blessed with long lives and that our children are blessed to experience two loving parents, who love them and each other. Mr A knows his importance to our family.
I had a realization that sometimes men will lessen who they are to keep peace with the woman. I watched the she by sheree Iyanla, and Iyanla mentioned that men cannot deal with feminine anger. I so agree. I knew that before Iyanla said it. I have to support Mr A and let him know, I know he is a great father with purposeful plans for our kids and family.
I chose and married Mr A on purpose. I knew if I died, I could die knowing he would raise my kids as I wanted. To me that was the highest hurdle. If I die and we have kids, will my kids be safe and loved with their father? I know people who marry and divorce a man and fear what he might do with the kids on visits.
Now first, if I was scared like that I would not divorce the man, because I would not want him alone with my kids and before the first thing, I want to know how the person married someone who had a lifestyle they disagreed with?
Anyway, I have an understanding of Mr A's parenting goals and I feel like we work together as parents and neither of us feels undermined, overruled or ignored.
Two adults, who did not grow up together have to come to agreement on raising children. There are certain domains where we each control without discussion.
It is good to work together and know we have to work together. I have seen some parents battle over children, so I realize I am fortunate to know the need exists and that we both have the mind, will and ability to work together.