Sunday, January 6, 2013
House without a wife
To be a housewife is... a difficult, a wrenching, sometimes an ungrateful job if it is looked on only as a job. Regarded as a profession, it is the noblest as it is the most ancient of the catalogue. Let none persuade us differently or the world is lost indeed. • Phyllis McGinley Friday was a hectic day and it is nothing I would want to do on a regular basis. Mr. A and I both had to work away from home on Friday morning. Mr. A dropped the kids off at my mom's home that morning. He returned home and I gave him a goodbye kiss while he showered. The morning happened so fast, it's a blur. The kids were up, dressed, they had fruit, we got them in the car and they were off. It actually makes me sad. I like to drink in moments as they occur, and I was too focused on the day ahead and being to court on time, to focus on those family moments. I am sure we would be organized if this, get out of the house thing, was our daily routine - but the brevity of time in the morning and my inabilty to really tune into the kids as I like, is hurtful. Most mornings the kids awake and climb into our bed. We exchange hugs and kisses, QT tells me he has to go potty. We go in the bathroom, I watch him do everything himself, because he throws a fit if I try to help. I watch as he lathers soap on his hands and plays in the soapy water. I eventually do the count for him to leave the sink, He climbs down the stool, he runs to dry his hands and we leave the bathroom. While I am making breakfast TR enters the kitchen, with either paper and a writing utensil or a toy. She slides her back against the counter, down the cabinet and onto the floor. We chat. The kids stay in pajamas until 9 or 10 am. Even when we had their nanny, the morning moved slow and I got time to tune in and focus on the kids. I keep mornings full of hugs, kisses and I love you. There are plenty of stop that, don't do that, come HERE now!, HERE,...... but I find fun in that because Bill Cosby's standup was right on. Kids need "come here" reinforced. I enjoy our days. Now that the kids are getting older, and I am not needed to handle every detail, I realize how fast the baby days went. QT has been dressing himself since before he was two. Now, at 2, he can zip and button his clothes. He will let TR button him up but if I try, its battle. He is independent on the toilet. I let him handle number 1 but I demand to wipe after number 2. He wants to do that too. Sometimes he tells me to leave the bathroom and give him privacy. I comply and hope for the best. TR was a few months old when I realized that I had never given thought to child care. Probably because I worked from home, I didn't figure it would be needed. My mom told me kids like to be home and don't want to commute. She also said she remembered being 3 and spending her days with her grandmother and aunts and those childhood memories are important to children. My mother still tells stories of those days. My mother did not mention that these days with my babies, are also my memories. Sometimes things get are busy but I remember to pause and observe. These moments with my babies are also my memories. I will remember their childhood better than they will. I enjoy being a mother. I enjoy knowing that my kids can use scissors because I taught them. They can add and subtract because Mr. A taught them. Kids allow me to know Mr. A on a different level. He is my husband. He is also a well-loved father. He has many important roles that aren't centered around me. I want to be a better wife for him to give him support and strength to continue as a great father. TR will begin school and our calm, relaxed mornings will change. She will have to get up and out of the house for 6 hours, 5 days a week. As a person who has made decisions that would allow me to operate from home, I feel bad for her. She will probably enjoy herself until she realizes that she has to attend each day and her freedom to choose her activity is no longer an option. I am pleased that we have gotten these first years to just relax and ignore clocks and just enjoy each other. I am grateful she got to spend 3.5 years going to the park and playing with her friends each day. We were fortunate to live in sunny L.A. where winter and rain are strangers. These are my memories. Had she spent these years in a different care situation, she would not care as it would be her normal. The kids earliest years, matters most to Mr. A and I. We had a vision of how we wanted our kiddies early childhood to be and we were blessed to see that vision carried out. Well this has gone on for too long......... I just wanted to express that I am pleased with the choices we made that gave us the opportunity to spend so much time with our kiddies. Our choices may not have made us oodles of cash but I have felt wealthy and we have not been in need or want. I pray we will be blessed to spend many decades watching our children grow further and following their own paths.