Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I've got 5 on it

I used to look at couple who had been married 5 years and think it was the cutest anniversary. Five is living up to everything I expected it to be.

At this point, I sorta feel like we are clear that we are staying. We have weathered storms and bloomed from the fresh rain.

Mr A and I were beefing around/on/for his birthday. We had a bit of in law drama. The things I love best are also the things that bug me greatly. His loyalty, honor and commitment are his character traits. As such, others benefit from who he is.

When Mr A and I met he was raising his younger brothers. So when the younger brother came around Mr A's birthday he was received something like the prodigal son. But I reminded myself that Mr A. Is who he is and if he was not who he was I would not have married him. It took a minute to work myself to that point of understanding but I arrived.

The gift is also the curse.

Mr A has kept me silenced on our in law woes. He recently told me I could write some memoirs about it. When we tell people what goes on, they usually chuckle and gasp in disbelief.

If he starts to reconnect with folks I will really need an outlet to maintain my own sanity. I will do my best to be supportive but I will need some place to let the real frustrations go.

Monday, August 29, 2011

party with the queen

The A family was invited to a pool party in Beverly Hills. The house was north of Sunset in the hills of beverly hills. TR was truly the party starter. For real, for real. QT and TR lounged in the pool, ate and mingled.

We took a tour of the house which has a ballroom. TR told me she liked the house. The owners moved to Palo Alto and left their adult son. The son has stripper cages, a d.j. booth, bar and other items in the ballroom. Now the ballroom is a party spot.

It's quite interesting to see real wealth. There was no bling to be seen, the driveway had regular cars, the house looked lived in.

If you've been reading my blog for anytime you might know that a home in Bel Air or Hancock Park is a goal of mine. I want to get there comfortably. I don't want us struggling to make a huge note. I am confident that we'll get there.

Sunday we went to my cousins' house. The offspring of my great grandfather's brother visited from VA and I wanted to meet them. I was explaining to my distant cousin how we were related. This man is in his 60's and didn't know. Shock of shocks! How did he not know this? He didn't know his
grandfather's name. His grandfather was my great great great uncle and I had to tell him about the man.

I guess moving out of state and away from your extended family can be isolating.

After that we hit up a birthday party for Mr A's cousin. Mr A's father told me I was skinny. The plight of a slim black woman is ignored. Folks feel free to comment on my size, which is not skinny. I was the thickest person at the pool party.

His dad said I had not been that skinny. I told him I bought my dress when I met Mr. A and that I was wearing it then. So I am the size I was when we met.

Today my client whom I had never met but have spoken to by phone for about 2 years, told me she walked past me because she expected me to be bigger. I had told her what I was wearing. I looked her in the face, called her name and she still just stared.

Then she asked me how I lost weight. I guess she expected me to be bigger from 2 kids. She asked me if I had lost my apetite. I told her that I guess exercise took weight off. She said, "wow, that works?"

Really people I am fat for the westside, but if I travel then suddenly I don't eat. But let me ask a heavy person why they are chunky and its not acceptable. Just like they ask me if I eat, I want to ask them if they ever stop eating. I know folks ain't getting fat off of water and fruit.

I will surely get overweight one day and then folks will comment on that. I think I might tell someone who asks about my size, that for every meal I am missing, their belly makes me think they are eating it for me.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Better Me

I have a mental list of the different things I will do to become a better me and create a better life for my family. I plan to get paper and pen and write the list down. There are things I think only a woman can offer a family. Call me sexist...... I freely acknowledge that I am.

I have visions of my kids and hubz coming home to a pitcher of cold fresh lemonade on hot days. They will take it for granted that certain things are just always there for them. That type of thing will make ME a better ME. I'm a homemaker, there is beauty in making a home. Home is magnificent place and a refuge. Its good to come home and to be home, when the home is made.

I am grateful that my body chemistry is such that I appear fit even when I slack on the working out. I am not skinny, so I never get asked if I eat. I look like I care about my fitness. I once heard that muscles have memory so perhaps running, karate and dancing as a young person is paying off now.

In college I got California thick. It might not be fat to some but it was fat to me. I weighed 155-160. So I have battled weight. My battle now is fighting the urge to relax because I appear fit. I want to be fit. Appearance is nothing.

Before we left for the Bay I had been taking daily weekday walks. I was amazed by how toned and booty lifting just walking could make one. Today I took an hour walk around the neighborhood.

I want to do more things on a routine. I have spent my adult life trying to avoid routine. One reason I chose self employment is so I could have freedom. Mr A likes routine and his commitments require him to be the same place at the same times. ( I ama bit salty about that) I can pick up and go but he can't. My kids like a certain amount of structure and routine so I provide that. Prior to leaving for the summer, the kids had a nice routine.

Monday we'd relax at home, Tuesday- Thursday they would go with the nanny. On Friday we'd do gymnastics in the afternoon. Library storytime was in the morning, then we would take a walk the long way home. The kids would be passed out until it was time to leave.

The library has work going on, so story time is now earlier in the week. We're also going to do ballet and swimming for TR and have QT do gymnastics at the same place. We'll transition back to gymnastics once swimming ends.

All these kid activities, husband activities and my activities require masterful scheduling. I am not a master scheduler. In fact I keep losing my calendar and I don't like to use the phone calendar.

Some of the nannies take their kids to these activities, but I do the stuff as much for myself as for my kids. I enjoy watching them have fun while they do diferent activities.

Good scheduling is on my list of things to make Me better and my family better. Scheduling maybe the biggest part of my plan to refine myself, my life and my family's lives. I don't want to spend the next few years in a rush or needing to do work and burning the midnight oil because of poor planning.

I do want to be superwoman and with a good calendar and regular vacations, I think I can get close to being her.

Then of course there are business matters I seek to become better and more efficient at. I am a slight workaholic so I need to focus on work last. I plan to amp up my business efforts. The kids are getting older and I don't want to wait until they start school to pick up. I've limited my workload to enjoy these rapidly passing baby years. If I start working on my growth now by the time they hit school, I will be where I want business wise. I actually got business cards made. Its been at least 7 years since I had some of those. Word of mouth has kept me busy but once I advertise, things might get super duper busy.

The kids are out of town with my mom. I sure wish we could make this happen on a regular basis. She came to L.A and got them. That made life easier for me.

Its time to go home and get busy.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

On Marriage

When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you
believe that you will be able to converse well with
this person into your old age? Everything else in
marriage is transitory.
Friedrich Nietzsche

On Marriage

When there is love in a marriage, there is harmony in the home; when there is harmony
in the home, there is contentment in the community; when there is contentment in the
community, there is prosperity in the nation; when there is prosperity in the nation,
there is peace in the world.
Chinese proverb

Monday, August 15, 2011

Video Blog


I shaved it from 5 minutes to 4.

My current theme song is "I told the Storm." It did not make the clip.

He Loves Me and Starting Over

Yes Jesus Loves me! I know he does. He was kind enough to allow Mr A and me to meet and let us have the good sense to get together.

We drove back to L.A. last night and spent the long drive (it was long due in part to TR's desire to tour bathrooms and rest stops) talking. We had one of those conversations you have early in the relationship. It wasn't about kids, bills or stuff we had to do, but just us. Good stuff.

It's amazing that before he met me, his ideal mate was someone like me. Some things about me some dudes might consider a flaw but Mr A considered it a positive. Amazing!

Before I met him, the things other women might not like about him were things I wanted. Amazing. Stuff that might make some women run from him made me run toward him.

It's proof of how wonderfully God designs his children. On a regular basis I marvel at how Mr A and I were designed for each other and while I felt that from the start, 5 years and 2 kids later, I really get to experience just how our designs fit.


We're back in L.A. Every day is a new day to begin so I'm starting fresh on some things. It's my intent to keep my calendar organized and not overwhelm myself with work. I plan to stop letting deadlines be my catalyst for getting on top of work.

There is more but I'm trying to do a video blog so I'll have to revisit this later.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

mommy dearest

I watched Mommy Dearest many times as a child. I read the book a couple of times as a kid as well.

I break into Mommy Dearest scenes sometimes. Yesterday TR got underneath a rug at my mother's house and had the thing upside down, twisted and in disarray. My mom told her to straighten it out.

I considered getting the rug right but TR always messes with it, so I decided to let her do it and maybe she'd stop. After a while of her running off I sat in a chair and told her to put the rug back the way momma had it.

TR said so sincerely, "but how mommy? I don't know how." I was so excited to borrow a phrase from mommy dearest. In my best Joan Crawford voice I said, "figure it out".

Anyway TR figured it out and then I started saying "no more wire hangers everrrrrr". TR fell out laughing and I had to remind myself that she had never seen the movie. Then she asked me why I said that. I told her it felt appropriate in that moment. Good thing my kid reads mommy cues well.

Sometimes I wonder why TR acts so silly and then I remember that I act silly. I guess she gets it honest.

Today is her last ballet class in Oakland. That time flew by. Kids are expensive. QT and TR will be in gymnastics when we return to L.A. TR will also be in Ballet. The nanny we have paid while we have been gone, will be getting a raise. My kids need j.o.bs.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Richer than Richie

Face it, Not Guilty.

My client got freed! The jury came back and said not guilty to both counts. My client had originally been (over)charged with 4 counts. The 4th count was dismissed on day 1 simply because it was a pure lie. The officer said my client had a loaded weapon because he located an unloaded weapon and bullets nearby.

I asked the officer if he would prefer to shoot with a loaded gun or a gun with bullets next to it. He started off saying he would pick the unloaded gun because it could be loaded quickly. Then he said he would choose a loaded weapon. So he was clear on what loaded meant.

I took the case because the guys public defender told him he was a fool not OT take a plea. The p.d. never asked my client what happened. He just read the police report. It's awful that your freedom is at risk and a p.d. does not ask you what happened. He said when he said no to the plea offer the public defender threw the paper at him and called him crazy!

My client is 28 without any criminal history and they wanted to give him 4 months in jail and probation for a few years with a four way search clause. The police could search him, his friends and any place he is, with such a clause. If he got stopped and did not nifty officers he was on probation he could be arrested. All this plea mess is the new slavery.

My client started trial on last Wednesday with 4 charges. Before it began he was at 3. The loaded gun mess was dismissed after I told judge the officer just called it loaded as apparent by his report. By day 5, the 3rd loaded gun charge was dismissed by the judge because the state did not prove an element. 2 charges were left for the jury.

I am glad my client took his chances with the jury.

When I went to set trial, the D.A. yelled out to the judge that the offer was withdrawn. I told the judge that the offer had been rejected which was why I was setting trial. The D.A. said the client would have to plead to the sheet. I told him they could not win on all that junk.

We were done before NOON. The court has a childcare so the kids came and had a great time. My mother had been keeping them but wanted to come to trial and I checked and realized the child care was for everyone. Joy!

TR learned how to use the mouse and was using the computer to paint. She uses the computer at the library after story time but I figured 3's and a mouse weren't compatible so I basically would turn a program on, put her hand on the mouse and follow her verbal directions.

My bad. Apparently 3's can use a mouse. They got to play and dress up and just have fun.

TR asked too go back. She thinks the child care was a library. they had a bunch of books, computers and toys to play with and that has been her library experience. When we walked in yesterday, they were doing crafts. Putting fruit loops on a bracelet.

The joys of childhood. When we got home I got blankets and lawn chairs and we went outside to enjoy the 75 degree bay area sun. I have a deposition today and a few days off. Then its back to work. Soon I will be back with my man! He is en route to pick us up. I can-not wait.

Thursday, August 4, 2011


My trial should end monday or tuesday.......hopefully. then I will be free from some of this paper.

Its terrible how officers will lie so easily and the citizen has to prove themeselves innocent of those lies. Its terrible how black people have a totally different experience in this country because of the police. Its terrible how people think its exaggerated.

Monday, August 1, 2011

I told the storm

I love this song! It makes me cry and feel powerful.

I Told The Storm Lyrics Lyrics

I Told the Storm
Even though your winds blow
I want you to know
You cause no alarm
Cause I'm safe in his arms
Even though your rain falls
I can still make this call;
Let there be peace
Now I can say go away
I command you to move today
Because faith I have a new day
The sun will shine - I will be okay
That's what I told the storm!

I told the storm to pass
Storm you can't last
Go away - I command you to move today
Storm - when God speaks;
Storm - you've got to cease
That's what I told storm!

Winds stop blowing!
Floods stop flowing!
Lightning stop flashing!
Breakers stop dashing!
Darkness go away!
Clouds move away!
That's what I told the storm!

Death can't shake me!
My job can't make me!
Bills can't break me!
Disease can't take me!
Enemies can't drown me!
Cause my Gods surrounds me!
That's what I told the storm!