Thursday, July 29, 2010

Great-Great-Grandfather Brown

After so many greats, I lose track. I'm talking about my paternal grandmothers grandfather. I posted about The Browns in 2005.

In December 2009, someone discovered that my grandmother's grandfather, Samuel Brown's, grave said he served in the confederate army. Samuel Brown was a slave in Georgia, and was emancipated. He was not fighting for the confederates. My great aunt said the southerners often called the civil war, the confederate war so that might have led to the confusion.

Samuel Brown applied for a military pension that he never got. In the process of that application he was deposed by the government. The details are exciting to read. He tells details of our family and his families history. He died in Vallejo and was buried in a family plot in 1923 at 90 years old. He also shares a birthdate with QT.

Here is a snippet of the original article


Last weekend his grave was changed. It corrected his military affiliation. I never met my ancestor but I am proud of him. It feels good to have a tangible connection and written history to those who have made a way for us. Recent article For years the story has passed through oratory so having written documents saying the same thing is wonderful. I love family history.

My Vallejo family is very cloae. We are one of the oldest families there and we are related to the oldest black family by marriage.

The land my grandmother's aunt owned is still owned by the family. My bigmom's siblings knocked the house down intending to develop it. Once it was down no one wanted to put up the money to build. My bigmom told them it was a foolish idea but they outvoted her. The land was left in her name. Bigmom was a shrewd woman.

The family goes to the land every year and mingles. Yes we stand on the dusty land and talk to each other. Ain't that country?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

organized part deux

I told Mr A- he usually reads the blog but sometimes not- that I was feeling disorganized. A couple of weeks ago I returned home
from central ca. (Or was that last week) and he had a file cabinent next to my desk. It streamlined so much of my clutter. My white
board kept falling and today he brought some magnetic clips
and made the board stay on the file
cabinet.

Then he proceeded to organize my white board, by color
coding the cases according to stage of
litigation and urgency.
He is going to get stickers to put
Next to each case name so I can keep
Track of timing. It may sound complicated
But its visual and easy. I'd take
A photo but I have confidentiality duties and
such.

He put that engineer mind to use for me.

There is more to organize and now I
can get to it.

I have also told him my goal is to get a check every month. He is
Going to give me the numbers I need to make that goal happen.
My education matters move fast.
The days between events are set by law. Then I have to add in the 60 or so days
it takes to get paid. This will also help because I can give attorneys working
for me a window. Case should be resolved this many days after you take file.

After I get that straight I will set monetary targets.
Then I'll regroup.

This may not have made sense.
If not, sorry!

Once again I am blogging from the bb. I refuse to reread this.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Organized

Business is doing well.

I started at scratch here in L.A. 3 or 3.5 years and it is going very well.
If/When we move back to the bay, I will have to start all over again. I am working on connecting myself to a client base up there so I don't have to get there and rebuild.

I rarely have to meet my clients so its possible that I could continue running my L.A. business from there, but I know there will be occasions that require travel. I really don't like to fly. I wish the high speed Bay to L.A. train had been built already.

I stay in strategy and planning mode. I should find a place of satisfaction but I know there is more I can do, and its hard for me not to try and get it done.

The money becomes an aside. I want to make more and more but money isn't my motivator. Seeing what I can accomplish is my motivator. My brain is literally hot. I can feel the heat on both sides toward the top.

My class action settled- did I blog about that? The money will be a nice chunk in our home purchase fund.

I plan to get a law school intern. A couple of the near by law schools have special education clinic so I will send out an announcement.

Is it wild that I have built a business without a website, without business cards, without paying for advertisement, without promoting myself? So far my clients come from word of mouth referrals and relationships I have built. I plan to do those things but if I build it they will come so I want to be organized and efficient. Nothing worse than to grow and be unable to provide quality service after the growth.

I have something else planned that will promote my business and help families with kids with disabilities.

I am grateful that I was directed into this area. I can be home with my kids, have a career that satisfies me more than it stresses me out and I provide a great service to families. I feel great when parents cry and tell me they can not express their gratitude. I feel great when parents know they can rely on me to help their child.

I feel like my path found me and I was wise enough to start walking on it.

Now there are times I am just frustrated because there is so much need and I get a first hand view and there is only so much I can do. But I do what I can and hope people know that people do care so keep pushing.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the deadlines and masses of paper and late nights. It is still work. But I get through it and once I am in it, I remember I enjoy the adrenaline rush.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Exposure

Bitch is the New Black, author, had a reading and book signing at the Grove on Friday. It was great. The author is very pretty. She reminded me of my cousins that grew up loving Pauly Shore. Her book will also be a movie produced by Shonda Rhimes. I look forward to that.

I invited my L.A. cousin and she discovered that she and the author had a lot of mutual friends because they were in the same network of private schools at the same time. The author is from L.A. so the mutual friends were there.

Hill Harper was there getting his book signed. I see him pretty often. I missed his rise, so it confuses me when people view him as ........ whatever they view him as.

Mr A and I were at Katsuya once and saw him. We kept trying to figure out why he looked familiar. Another couple we were with was able to remember his name but none of us knew why we knew it. I think I get him confused with the writer of Best Man because the lead character was named Harper.

Work it out

I worked out today. Its been nearly a full year since I did Pilates Plus. I went to a studio in Hollywood where it was 30 mins of pilates and 30 of spin. Spin was fun but I'll return to pilates plus at the West Hollywood studio. I think it was a better workout and the instructors were steadfast about form. The form matters most when toning. I'm trying to look good, so I have no time ego in my exercise. I'd rather do 10 reps correctly than do 20 easy reps incorrectly.

I figure I will post phtos of what I look like before and hopefully that will help me stay committed to getting to the after. I am 147 lbs but not really concerned about scales. I will probably track the weight because I like to be at 136 +/- 3 lbs.

Oh in other God is good things.

Mr A and I walked to the village and on our way back home, some kids had a lemonade stand set up. He said we should go support the kids. I said if they saw us in a car they would lock the doors. He said the perception change has to start somewhere. I said, not with my money. So we cross the street and go get the cookies and lemonade ($.50) per person. It was a pretty slow process.

I considered saying lets cross back but just went along, especially since the side we were on is the side we need to be on, to get home. As were were walking two cars came speeding past in this typically very quiet calm residential area (well it was loud the night CB was beating Rhianna). I don't know if they were racing. They narrowly missed hitting a car crossing the intersection.

I told Mr A it was a good thing we crossed the street to buy lemonade. We usually cross at the intersection that the cars sped through. Stopping for the lemonade also delayed us from being in that crosswalk.

Exposed


Friday, July 23, 2010

Dating Advice

My dating advice is not based on my grasp of male behaviors but from my understanding of human behaviors. Men are people too....... I know that is hard to believe.
My gift is assessing people, situations and motives and I am usually right on. If the people are close to me than I am mostly clueless. I have my guesses as to why that is.

I have no relationship advice because IMO, that is unique to the dynamics of each couple.

Anyway, my cousin asked for dating advice yesterday. I told her something like: men usually tell you exactly what they mean. If they lie they may be a socio-path because sane men know it is danger lying to a woman.

I told her men tell us what they mean but being women, we hear what we are looking for. Men understand this which is why when trouble comes and women start telling them what our understanding was, they tell us what was said and what was never said.

I told her to ask the guy direct questions and repeat back to him her understanding of what he said. Leave no room for confusion.

Then she met another guy who tried to instarelationship. The thing is she recognized his behavior was a con but tried to find a reason why it was not.

Its amazing how we know the truth and ignore it. We have senses and are fully aware of what path not to go down but we travel that path anyway. Its like when women know they should not walk down an alley but do it anyway, to their own peril.

It is a wonderful God that gave is senses and allows us to recognize dangers before us. I wonder what happens to us that makes us mistrust or unable to follow our own intuition.

I think life is some sort of test. I think there is a purpose for our presence here. Maybe if we could live a life that followed our intuition we could get to our purpose in life without a bunch of baggage weighing us down. Maybe some of us cannot reach our purpose because the baggage we attain from ignoring intuition weighs us down.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

rules and restrictions

Mr A and I discussed couples who agree to certain things before
marriage. His position is they should stick to the agreement, my position
is it should be open to discussion. Clarification: he said people should
understand that some people are rigid and if your mate is rigid you have to stick
with the agreement.

I asked him his thoughts on a blog topic I read. It was about
a premarital agreement on number of kids. I think hearts
can change after they live a bit more so the
topic should be open to discussion.

Marriage should not be a prison term with rules and restrictions.
I understand some definites but I am more free flowing. Don't confine
my ablity to grow.

Mr A and I had agreed to live in L.A. 5 years. That was because I did not want to
live here forever. Still don't. But I have
considered myself flexible in that. We could
have gone back to the bay after he left his corporate slave ship.
Well that 2 year lease sorta gave us reason to remain.

Mr A wanted 2 kids but I wanted more. I think we agreed to 3 or 4 and he was prepared for me to be
done after 1. I guess he was prepared for me to go for 3 but
I am not trying to kill myself having babies.
I can love on the 2 I have. Although I wanted TR to have a sister, she has a few girl cousins her age and none of them have sisters.

Mr A's enjoyment of football might turn into
something exciting that would require us to be in
L.A. longer. If it does I will be working it
all the way to our Hancock Park or Bel Air residence.
I already have L.A. elementary and high schools chosen.

I could be like 5 years, that was the plan but I am flexible.
Life is full of opportunities and options,
It has to be a bit suffocating to be in
a marriage that did not permit new opportunities
because of an agreement you made before you
married. I also know the opportunity will not
go on forever so a move would be possible but delayed.

Who would be the selfish one in that sitiuation? The one who attempts to break the agreement? Or the one
who won't allow opportunity because of a
prior agreement?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

mommy and marriage

I love being a mother. My cousin calls me a 2x mommy. She acts
so amazed that I am actually a mother. I

I planned for kids when I was young but I sorta let the idea go
as I got older. I did not want to be disappointed and crushed if kids
did not happen. Mr A said kids were a must for him. If we could have them
he wanted them.

I think I am experiencing QT much differently than TR. I realize how fast the baby days
pass. I am more relaxed about what is going on.
I know to enjoy his baby movements and coos. I am
not in a hurry to get to the next milestone. I just enjoy
my infant. Having a 2 year old with unlimited
energy maks me realize how easy infants are.

I love all that I receive from being a mommy. Its
not easy to describe but its a unique pleasure.
An unselfish, giving heart. Pure love.

Marriage

My aunt and uncle have been married 64 or 65 years.
I feel like a child trapped in the house
With a couple that .....

I don't know..... I am sure love and like exists but it is
well hidden.

My aunt asked uncle to boil an egg for her. He was in the
kitchen moving around but did not.

This is a couple that loans each other money.
He goes to buy his toletries and
gets none for her.

He had a parttime retirement job. It was
All his money.

They nitpick each other and fuss more
than the just talk. In fact other than
to exchange information I can't say that they talk or
laugh with each other. They don't seem to have pleasure in each other's company.

I know nothing about their marriage but I have
known them for over 30 years and this is
how it has been.

When they were dating he went off to the war.
My grandmother who was married, wrote him letters because her sister
would not.

My grandparents who I spent lots of time with
were happy. They fussed but they laughed and talked much more. They did not nit pick.
I remember my grandmother once telling my aunt it was
wrong of her to be married to the man if she was going
to treat him that way. My aunt told her she did not
know him.

Someone asked them how long they had been married and she said too
long. He was quiet. I'd probably jump a bridge
if he was my spouse because he is just
too anal for my tastes.

So its possible to have a long marriage
and while I would not say they are unhappy, I can't see
how they could be content.
I know happy long marriages exist but I think they happen on purpose.
Maybe I am just weak and overly sensitive because of the heat,
maybe I am annoyed that he has made himself plates of
Food and not asked her if she wanted something, but
I do not feel a glow of love when I am around the
two of them.
Being here has made me commit to not nit picking
Mr A and not fussing around my kids. If we do fuss they need to see
us loving on each other so they know the love exists even as we try to resolve
something.

I am drained.

Boot Camp

I am in boot camp or sorts and Mr A is running one of sorts.

QT and I are still in the hot box central ca. city helping my great aunt
and uncle. My aunt is my maternal grandmother's younger sister.
She doesn't have kids but they were mothering to my mom and her cousins.
She was also grandmotherly to us and my 3rd cousins.

MY mother said my grandmother told her that it was her job to take care of her aunt
when the time came. So to help my own mother out I am here.
See I kill three birds with one stone. Help my great aunt, my mother and go through
Domestic boot camp, with no internet, no computer and basic cable and a slow country town.

I have discovered that the day has plenty of hours to cook, clean, work, talk on the phone, in
person and be mommy. It isn't exhausting and I am not
Bored. My soaps and the judge shows have gotten a lot more
Interesting.

Mr A has one of the football kids in math boot camp. The kid has a few weeks to get a semster of alegebra done with an A
or B grade.

I plan to implement a lot of this country life into my city living.

Its hard to blog from the phone. I am sure I'll have more later.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

scattered wants

Mr A, QT and I went to a pool party for Mr A's goddaughter in central ca. I am spending a
few days here to help my great aunt and uncle out.

Mr A used to live in this city. Its a nice quiet, slow paced and affordable
life here. If we lived here or probably any part of central ca., we'd probably be able to buy
in the exclusive areas. We'd have a big house with a pool and hot tub.

It is also 100+ degrees in the summer. Pools are like warm baths because it gets so hot.
We are inland. It gets cold in the winter.

I told Mr A I would not want to live here even for the cheaper housing. He said
its cheap to go to hell but I'd rather do the work
and go to heaven. That is soooooo true on so many levels.

I would rather sacrifice on earth and work for heaven and I would
rather work harder and maybe even have a smaller home
to live in surroundings more my preference.

Its not my preference to spend my summer in 100 degree weather
and try to be indoors from 10 am to 6pm.
We passed lovely and empty parks yesterday. It was too hot to have kids out.

We used to spend a few weeks here as kids and we would go swimming in
the evening and the mall in the evening. This heat slows life down.
We might go visit in the afternoons.

My moms car had leather seats. Oh the pain.... We kept towels in the car to sit on.

The pool party was nice. It made a pool a must have especially if we buy in LA.

I just read SOJO's post and it made me realize I need to foster TR's
Love of gardening. She likes to water our plants. She gets the water and pours it into the plants. At my moms house
she gets the hose and pretends to water. If she knew how to turn the hose on she would really water. Yesterday I heard her telling my moms gardner what to do.

When she returns I plan to get her a box garden and let her see the process from the dirt and seeds to plant. That should be fun and maybe if I pick tomato
or something we can eat it.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Friday Dreams

I am forever adjusting. I should be an engineer because I am continously thinking of ways to be more efficient. If my organization
Was better I would be a BEAST.

Today I did a little work, bathed and dressed QT and went to Simply
Wholesome for lunch with my cousin. TR is summering with my mom.

Random: my cousin said she is taking notes from me on spouses. She said she
wants a husband who will take care of the kids. Mr A is a fab
father. Very hands on and loving. He also has the heart to nurture.
People thought I was crazy to want a husband
that I could die in peace knowing my kids were with him.
Now they understand. Nicole considers the
future not just the pleasant present.

When I walked in the restaurant/store I felt like I was on the Moesha show. It had that black leimert park/baldwin hills vibe.
My cousin said it was the place Sanaa met the
White guy, and did her grocery shopping in Something New. It was so realistic
I can see that was a good place to meet a blind date.

After lunch I went home and found a check in the mail. Joy!
Now if the other districts pay me I will be pleased.

QT and I hit the bank and then on to watch Mr A
at football practice. I enjoyed watching him. We usually keep a lawn chair in the car
but Mr A took it out. The lawn mats remained so QT and I put one down and relaxed in
the shade.

I need a weekday or part of a week day each week to decelerate.

Banking

It would be easier and faster if I did my banking sans kids. But.....
when I am depositing their money I like them to be there so I can tell them what's going on.

I was 10 when I opened a bank account on my own. I had my grandfather take me to
a bank that I could not get to easily. I was trying to save my money.
I had a business but no allowance. I was doing well for 10. A few hundred a month in the late 80's.

As a kid, we would go to the bank every Saturday with my mother and grandmother. We kids would make out our deposit/withdrawal slips and have the choice to save or spend. I knew I was a spender by age 6, so when I turned 10 and had income I knew I needed a bank that my mother and grandmother weren't visiting every Saturday.

Eventually my mother took a liking to my bank and moved everyone's account there. By then I had a bit more control so my account grew and I had more than a few thousand that I used to live it up and for expenses in college.

So because of my own experience I take the kiddies to the bank. TR opened her account at a couple of months old and so did QT. I take them to the bank to make deposits into their account. While I could leave them at home and assume they don't know what is going on, its a good habit for me to get into. If I knew about banking and savings at 6, they will know too.

Oh, we also got to look at our passbooks but it seems passbook savings no longer exist. I hate that because I learned a lot from looking at my book and tracking deposits and withdrawals. That visual could disgust me or make me proud. That visual is what turned me into a saver because I hated realizing I withdrew money for things I could not remember.

I wonder if ending passbooks was a scheme by corporate America. Mailing monthly statements is more costly, kills trees and requires staff whereas with passbooks the customer keeps them and brings it to the bank for transactions.

I'm not sure if I ever explained the initials of my kids. Mr A and I did not want to know sex until delivery. We agreed he would name boys and I would name girls. The name he had for our unborn son started with a T, and the name I had for our unborn daughter started with R. So instead of calling the unborn baby 'it', we named the kid TR. So when TR was born she got the name starting with R, although she does act like she wears a tiara.

When QT came along, T was still unused, so initial T remained. Had we had a girl her name would have been Quinn Olivia- hence the 'Q' So while QT was chilling in the womb we called him QT, although he is a cutie.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Tea Party

TR is an expert at Tea Parties. I have no idea where she learned tea party etiquette but she knows it. Perhaps it is built into the DNA of little girls.



We were at my mom's house and my mother keeps a glass tea set on the coffee table. TR gently lifted a cup, put it in front of the spout of the tea pout and pretended to pour. She offered a cup to me and I declined. My mother would fuss if she broke a tea cup so I could not encourage this. TR then put the cup to her lips and said, um um good. Then she placed the cup gently on the tea server.

Ohhhhh..... the wonder of being 2.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The New Black

My in flight reading was Bit.ch is the New Black by Helena Andrews. I enjoyed the book a lot. Its slightly odd that I would enjoy it, because it was an autobiographical novel. I guess unknown people can have a life worth reading.

The book was even more interesting because it was as if my cousin could have written the book.

Let me make a little list

Author
Delta
lived in grandparents house in Compton
grew up on Catalina Island (all white)
went to an exclusive private school
in downtown L.A.

They both claim Compton to show that they are from the hood but really they aren't.

Cousin
Delta
lived in grandparents house in Compton
grew up in Cerritos (super white)
went to an exclusive girls private
in Hancock Park- near downtown

There are more similarities but that list gives you an idea.

I didn't read any of the book on the beach or near the pool.
We were having too much fun for me to stop and read. I'm love that Mr A and I can lay pool/beach side and have fun just talking. I love his mind and he loves mine.

I wanted to buy Grapes of Wrath but I figure I might hit the library up for that. My mom loves Monterey area just because of Steinback and how he describes it. Everytime we go there she gets to talking about Steinback's books. I figured I'd read one of them. I also think she likes his books because her parents used to work in grapes and in that region of the state.

Cool Points

Mr A told me he discovered I was cool during this past vacay. He knew I had the cool gene but said it doesn't usually get displayed around his friends. His friends have twisted senses of humor, that is the group dynamic and I share that so it was a lot of fun. Mr A has very diverse sets of friends- I do not. I'll be friendly to everyone but I won't let my hair down around everyone. Mr A is who he is 98% of the time.

But its still nice that he thinks I'm cool after 2 kids, 4 years of marriage and 6 years of knowing me. Its nice that we are still getting to know each other. Continuously discovering layers keeps us both on our toes.

More Reading.

I am planning to go to the book store and check out- The Marriage Checkup. I saw the author on CNN. It might be interesting. When Mr A and I were dating I bought a book that had questions for dating couples. It was a lot of fun although we never finished answering the questions.

The Marriage Checkup is supposed to be questions.

I'll let you know how the book is and if I decide to buy it.

Monday, July 12, 2010

2012 cont'

I wasn't finished with the first 2012 post. I lost
track.

I am ready to move! The building next door has a 3 bdrm renting for $4k.
We could get a 600k house including property tax payments for that! Of course there aren't any 600k houses
in our area of L.A. I want to stay in the area if we remain in L.A.

The houses over here didn't have a drastic run up in prices and there
weren't lots of homes selling. As a result the
prices are stable.

Right now we are still mobile, but once TR starts kindergarten I
don't want any moves.

I wonder if I will lose my mind living in
the same home for a min 15 years- that includes QT's high school graduation.
I like to change my surroundings. Moving furniture
only helps so much.

I read that the average person moves every 5 years. I
don't know if that includes families. When I was
A kid it was rare that any friends moved.
Our parents are still at the same locations.

One friend moved after her parents excessive
spending caught up with them. The girls had horses
in their backyard (our neighborhood was zoned to allow that)
and both of her parents drove Benzes.

They moved to Atl after they lost it all.
They let the oldest daughter stay and finish h.s.

Now it seems people are moving to catch something
better. I hope we move to a neighborhood that
Is not full of transient families. I'd like TR
to have reliable friend relationships.


I met a woman last summer at the park. Sh
e, her husband and toddler moved here from Atl. She sent a message and told
me they had moved to Char.lotte.

That is too much packing for me. The woman
was from Berkeley.

That is 2 cross country moves in 2 years.
I'm sure moving from a 5 bdrm in Atl suburb
to a 2 bdrm apt in Los Angeles could make
a person want to move.

So I have lost my train of thought again..... More later.

Offensive

I take 0 pleasure in offending blog readers. Really I don't. I am sensitive
so I truly feel awful when I unintentionally upset a reader. Words matter.

But then there is the balance of me having a blog and being unable to write what I
want because I don't want to risk offending people. I usually
save my offensive stuff for my listserv bur I was kicked off
for 30 days and blogging has been my random thought outlet.

There are plenty of times when I intentionally try to be offensive but on those
ocassions it's obvious. Clearly some readers are messy because if you really
thought me post on premarital prep was an attack on a bride why would you
relay the link. Link sharers like that are trifling, trashy and bored.

Here is a story. Sone years ago a paranoid homo blogger wrote some lenghty
hate filled post about me. I had never even read his blog but he though my
posts were about him. Psycho.

So I started noticing I had traffic coming to my blog from some site. After weeks I
clicked the link and saw this Psycho was having a blog war with me.

I was like who is this?

I asked another blogger and she said she was hoping I would not
find out about it.

See that is what friends or people with lives do. They leave trash where it sits. They are not trash receptacles or trash carriers.

See........ Trash cans carry trash.

I have actually noticed traffic coming to my blog from another bored
and psychotic stalker. I tell ya.........

That is all.

2012

I read millionaire mom next door blog yesterday and she mentioned 2012 as a good year to
purchase. Mr A and I discuss our purchase plans and 2011/2012 was also the year he thinks
will be good to buy. Of course if something great appeared and we have the case we would jump
on it.

Mr A and I were freed from mortgage captivity in 2006. I wanted to buy but he said wait because foreclosures would
start and bring prices down.

I hear that businesses are intentionally not hiring because they want the republicans to
get back into office and deregulate. I can believe it.

Our country is run by big business. We're just pawns in their quest for
profits. They can fire 3 of our coworkers and put all that work on us.
We don't complain because we are happy to have a job.

We allowed business to end pensions and we think they are generous when
a company matches 401(k) contributions

but these unemployment games will take housing prices down even more.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Risky business

Mr A and I attended a wedding late last year. The couple were both on their 2nd marriages.
Today we learn that it's OVA.

Maybe they'll change their mind. But if Mr A ever moves out without notice and calls
the next day to tell me it's over I doubt I'd move past it. I might could get over it if we
had a terrible argument but if in the cool of the day he made such a decision........ It would be
deuces. How could I trust him not to kill me after that.

See I relate behaviors to murders. It makes it easier to
move on. Most life loving people would not return to someone who
is capable and willing to kill them. That is reason 1 I could never be
with a wife beater. If you hit me you can kill me. And no I would not remarry.
Or even date. I would focus on mu kiddies and family who can't break blood bonds.


I digress........ So the wife quit her job in expectation of the husband
taking her off her feet. She was going to surprise him with the news.

Now I knew that was a bad idea and I am unsure why she would actually
do it.

I am not one who advises people not to trust their mate but
I do say look at their past and current behavior and be realistic.
I mean if your mate is a chain smoker don't move into a
non smoking building. You know how it's going to end.
Don't marry someone and use your trust as a weapon to force them
to change. Trust them to be who they are.

In other stuff that sorta made me say hunnnnnh?

A friend picked us up at the airport this week.
Of course we are fresh out the air and telling about our vacay.
He had saw a fb photo mr a had of the view from our
villas patio.

The friend started telling us about his honeymoon and the condo
they had overlooking the ocean. I wanted to say, duuude is that the honeymoon
you had with youur EX wife.

Do men ever get over exes or do they forever reminisce
on the good times? Well if the time was as good to her as
it was to him, she would be in bed when he got home.

Anyway....... If your mate was had a spark of memory about his
ex love and felt the need to share the happy memory what would
your reaction be?

Try again

I read something about divorce rates in 2nd marriages. They are quite high and skew the overall divorce rate.
The divorce rate is like 65-70% for step couples ( when one or more bring children).

Now to me this seems basic. If you have been married once and divorced once your rate of failure is 100%.
You either chose wrong or your chose right and changed your mind. Either way divorce is an option and unless I
enter marriage with the idea that I can divorce if I change my mind, a divorced person seems risky.

It may be mean but I don't think divorced people should be allowed do overs because marriage is as much about
honoring a commitment as it is liking who you married. If people knew they had to get marriage right the first time I
think they would be more selective and discriminating.

They would not ignore red flags.

These are just my thoughts during my marriage reflection month. Plus
I wonder how these celebs keep switching and stealing spouses. I mean
they have to know how the story will end. The question is...... Do they care?

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Pretty Life

I read some of my old blog posts when Mr A and I were newly dating, engaged and newly weds. It was so lovely to read.

Now we have babies and we love each other, and our family and our life together. Reading the old blogs made me smile.

Heaven

Everybody wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die.

Whewwwwww. I think the cavalier owner is a nut but that statement is the truth. I mean I just read
ladies saying 12 weeks of premarital counseling was too long.

If a marriage is a lifetime how can12 weeks of prep be too long?I know premarital ain't mandatory
but ummm...... it isn't that much of a time investment considering that marriage is suppoooooosed (insert neck roll) to be a lifetime.
I don't personally care if a class is 5 minutes but I am just curious as to how x weeks can be too long when the course
is to help you enter a lifetime.

Many many years ago while in high school, I enrolled in a college course and dropped. I did not
want to spend my summer getting up that early. Shout out to my mamma and gramps for always taking me, waiting and bringing me home. Public transportation was not part of my life.

Anyway, my mom's cousin called me up and told
me that when I started college it was important that I commit.
She told me not to drop classes because it was a bad habit to
get into.

I was 14 but I took her words to heart. My entire time in college and I finished
every class I started. I was actually done with college in 3 1/2 years. I stayed an extra semester
because it took that long for them to calculate my grades. I could have graduated college
at 19 but 20 was fine. It's not as if I had anything to do.

So........ I am realizing that not only do people want to go to heaven without
dying, there are people who will tell you that you should not have to die to get there.

Oooooo.........kay.

I need someone to do a survey. Are the anything over x hour people the same people whose first response
is "leave him gurl, I would not take that."

note: I would not waste any of my time doing counseling with unlicensed folks and
I do not consider a certification to be a license. I don't consider a ministry license
to be a degree in counseling, so I would skip that person as well. But that is just me. I
am sure some pastors counsel well despite having no specialized training.



But I'm the chick who was looking forward to premarital counseling since before I had a boyfriend.
That episode on Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Bring the Noise

My kiddies are still with my mom. I miss my little rugrats immensely. It's too quiet and too still. I need a cuddle and some baby breath on my cheek.

It is amazing that people who have only existed a couple of years and a few months can own your heart like they have held it forever.

My mother told me QT had 4 teeth coming in and is crawling. He's been scooting for a while but the crawling is new. I guess he wants to keep up with his sister.

I priced tickets to Europe. I wanted to do first class but at 10k each way and per ticket. If we had all that to spend I'd charter a midsize jet. Actually that could happen because 5/6 of us leave from LAX.

We'll do either business or the class below it. The flight is too long to do economy with a kid. The extra space will be worth the extra money.

In other interesting things, while we were having lunch on the island, one of Mr. A's friends mentioned his dip.loma.tic imm.unity. I nearly fell off my seat. Mr A has some interesting friends. One of the guys said something and I said I did not want to end up in a French jail in the Carribean. The friend said he would use his imm.unity to get out and work on getting us out.

They were discussing their super encry.pted iphones and discussing numbers that I couldn't understand. I tell ya, he has some interesting friends. Not just their professional lives but they are interesting to hang out with.

I was telling Mr A how well rounded he is. He is the same person in whatever circle he runs and he treats people the same in whatever station they are in. I like that. Mr. A is a wonderful person. He most certainly is. Not that ya'll needed to know that or care, but I am constantly pleased and proud of who my husband is.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Speed

Today we rented a boat to island/beach hop.

I have great photos that I look forward to uploading. We had an amazing time.

We got to the boat and saw it was a speed boat. I was hesitant to get on it because the weather has been a bit rough. The group wanted to go.

Once we got out of the calm of the Marina it was rough boating. The skipper was excellent. He knew how to ride the waves smoothly. I put on a life jacket, no one else did.

Now........ there were 6 of us. 4 (3 guys and one girl) of them are West Point grads which means they are survival swimmers and have an unimaginable plethora of survival skills. These are people who know how to jump out of planes without parachutes and land to increase survival, they understand weather patterns, diving and all sorts of things. They are not your average person. They are also adrenaline junkies. They are soldiers.

One of the classmate was driving a gov't issued vehicle that broke down a couple of weeks ago. He was holding his breath so the taliban who were inches away could not locate him. They found the truck but he hid. An ocean wave is nothing to them.

The other chick should have had on a vest like me.

I digress.......

The waves were strong and choppy. We got drenched but the skipper was so good that no one got nauseous. We had to stop on an island for an hour to allow the water to calm. We were supposed to hit St. Barths but I said NO (I was the one wanting to go, no one else really cared). The trip to St Barths was nearly 2 hours and the water was just too rough. While on the island the group snorkled and water skied.

Later we went to Pinel and had an amazing French lunch. Then we hit the ocean again for water sports.

It was a great adventure. It felt great to be out there enjoying the waters and beautiful scenery.

The return ride was much smoother. We saw the nude beach and a bunch of boats were all the passengers were nude.

Two of the girls drove the boat for a while.

Mr A made some good friends in college. The kind who enjoy taking luxury vacations. Tonight we made a list of potential spots for next years vacations. We have New Zealand and Bora Bora, the Mediterranean, including Greece and Italy, Nice, and I'm not sure where else. The kids will definitely be coming. I miss my little rugrats.

One of the classmates lives in Germany so he would like us to come to Europe. He flew here from Paris on a direct flight. There are lots of French vactioners here on the French side. I guess this is a popular destination for the French people.

Right now..... as great of a time as I have had, I am looking forward to some hugs and kisses from my kiddies.

Monday, July 5, 2010

To Catch a Wife

I can't recall what I've shared about our trip. Its 4 of Mr. A's West Point classmates and a total of 8 people. 4 couples.

It's sorta like Why Did I Get Married but we're the only black folks, only one other couple is married and we haven't had any group marriage discussions. The ladies sorta did but I don't know what the guys talked about. Well I did hear some relationship discussion, so with the exception of us sitting in a big group and taking turns it may be a little similar to Why Did I Get Married.

One of the guys is Jewish and has been to Black Ski Weekend with Mr A on two occassions. I've only been to Black Ski Weekend once. Mr A said he didn't see a need to go back and the guy told him, it was because he had his wife- he did not need to return.

I realized that after Mr A and I met a few of his friends started making the ski trip. I'm thinking now that they may have thought they could catch a wife.

I'm glad to know some men are still looking.

Tomorrow we have a boat and a captain rented to take a ride to nearby islands and to do water sports on the way.

I'm watching House Hunters. Some of these people are frustrating. They get caught up in things that can be easily changed like tile or fixtures and seem to gloss over location, lot size, price.

One of the classmates friends lives on the island- he is a native. He's been on House Hunter's 3 times.

Have a lovely Tuesday.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Our Anniversary

We had a great anniversary. A lot of it was spent in flight but once we hit Sint Martin it was on. We got to the villa, which is literally on the ocean, we could cast a fishing rod from the pool area. We got to the villa, relaxed, and then the 8 of us went to dinner at the Boat House. I had steak and lobster plus amazing appetizers. Then I got the mic and started singing- karaoke (sp). Mr. A loves karaoke and apparently so did the rest of the group. OOOOHHHH WEEEEE, we had fun. The choice of songs were also fun. Piano man, Africa, just an array of different music. Mr A and I sang endless love.

I think we might do more singing tonight. I'm off to the spa with the ladies and I think the men are going to stay home and put a hurting on the US $300 of liquor they got. I do not know how much dinner and drinks were for the 8 of us, but I know the owner shook our hands as we left.

Have a fun holiday people and when you see the fireworks remember, they do them every year for our Anniversary.