Thursday, December 17, 2009

I am Blessed

It's hard to believe it right now but the faith side of me knows I am blessed. The flesh side of me tries to convince me otherwise.

My brother and a cousin started organizing an annual family reunion. 2009 marked the 3rd one. For the first reunion my brother picked out two great sites. The first for a picnic, the 2nd site was the concluding dinner. This year my brother bought a beautiful home in the Oakland Hills with bay and golf course views and he hosted the dinner at his home.

On the first reunion, my brother created a family reunion dvd. It was wonderful. There was barely a dry eye in the place. I just popped the dvd in and realized I am blessed, my family is blessed.

I do not know why things to happen, I do not know about God's timing but I have to believe this is something intentional. I can't believe He would just have us here suffering just because.

I was reading Psalm 90:10. To me that passage is a reminder that even if we live until we are 70 or 80, time is still very very short when we consider God is everlasting. We have to manage our time wisely and use our time to live our purpose. We don't have enough time to complete every thing we have the potential to do but we have to focus widely.

I am trying to remember that this life is the brief part. Its an experience. This is not it. I cannot look at death as punishment. It seems to be punishment to those left behind but if I really believe in God then I can look at death as a release from a life of sorrow and turmoil.

I have to use my time here wisely. I can't squander the time I have on this journey. I do wish God gave clearer more accesible directions. It would make things much more bearable.

I am just glad I loved my loved ones. I am glad I value time and relationships over things. I have memories of moments to carry me. I can see that grief is often colored by the memories people don't have.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

social life

I've accepted that since we are still in L.A. and might be there a while, I need to expand my social circle so I can expand TR's.

Right now all of her playmates are white, with one 1/2 white/black little girl whose daddy I'd like to slap in the forehead for having such a wild child. Nannies are great but the mostly watch and play with the kid. They don't discipline kids and they barely say stop. Nannies can't raise them.

So I've decided to participate in Mocha Moms and start being active with my sorority here in L.A. TR turns 2 this spring so we'll be ready to start Jack and Jill, in 2011.
Mr A is slightly opposed to such organizations but he'll still enjoy the father-daughter stuff. I know I will.

Not sure how I am expanding my social schedule while preparing to have 2 kids but what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.

I had a lot of fun over Thanksgiving and I realize I hung out more. I also had my mother to watch TR while I did my social stuff. The dilemma of not living a mile from your mommy.

I finished our 2008 taxes and we have a nice refund. I know some people don't like allowing the feds to use their money but there are a few reasons I do prefer that. One being as a self-employed person, I'd rather them hold my money. They also pay interest. I think we got nearly $200 last year and although they tax us on the interest they pay, its more than a bank would pay for the use of my money.