Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Mommy Planning

Location and style of house was always my top home search concern. We live in the city so I figured we'd have to do private schools. Turns out the area we live and the area we want to buy in (which is the same general area) has 2 of the top rated elementary schools in Ca.(of course Ca schools are not the best but neither are most of the schools in the country) The middle school is also ranked very high. The area we are in is old and established so its likely to remain pretty good. High school will still have to be private.

Mr A got the goddaughter enrolled in middle school and an After school program. The program includes tutoring and fun stuff like photography and arts. The parents fundraise so the school maintains programs and they don't have intradistrict transfers. That means it's a neighborhood school.
It's crazy what parents in the city have to go through to get their kid in a good school. I don't blame the schools, I blame the parents who think a school should raise kids. If teachers didn't have to focus on discipline and recovery kids could access education anywhere.
Mr A thinks I am super special for supporting his desire to do what he can for his goddaughter. I appreciate that he cares enough for a child that he ain't the father of to do so much. I know I chose a great father for my own kids. I expect us to live forever but if we don't, then I hope a similiar love and concern will be shown to our kids by others.

Plus you can't just allow society to be jacked up. We have to exist in it and even if you move the mess you try to leave behind will catch up.

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Do You Hate Me?

When people pass advice or suggestions I wonder 'do you hate me'?

My sister physically attacked me some months ago and I was talking to my mother last night and to her this is something I should move past.

I have forgiven her, I am not holding a grudge but when you attack me at church and force me into a fight then I think you don't care much for me. What about time passing would cause you to suddenly care? You don't like me and you were upset enough to kick off your shoes and rush at me. Sure I passed the first lick but when you are past a certain age people rushing you isn't for a dance its for a fight.

Anyway I really want to ask my mother if she hates me. Why would she advise me to interact with someone who decided to attack me because I asked for a hot dog and told them they need to learn to communicate.

I understand that she would like her daughters to get along but is she okay with me being attacked and having to fight while my baby is nearby?

I think its the best for myself and my peace of mind and safety that I let people go when they show me they hate me.

I also think I'll be reducing my visits to the bay area. If I saw a relative I loved attack my mother I would not encourage my mother to associate with them. I'd recommend she stay away. If the person does it once they will do it again. I wonder why she doesn't care about me or feel a need to protect me the same way? I guess since my attacker was her child, it isn't as bad.

Monday, August 24, 2009


I filed a case today. I met my August goal. It might not be possible to get more filed because I don't have releases from parents.

I will be able to file a lawsuit this week but that won't pay until a year or so. This is another reason why I have to keep funds. I fund most of my cases. Its expensive being self-employed.

I just remembered that I settled a case in early August and forgot about it. I was thinking business stuff in the car and remembered I needed to send my invoice out. That made me smile. Whooo hooo.

Mr. A had a birthday and I organized a dinner with at a Brazilian Steak House. It was us, another couple and another fella who is newly single. The guys are his childhood friends from "the Wood", Slim and T.

Mr A told me to tell them our reservations were for 6 p.m. and as late as I know these fol4s run, I thought telling them we had 7 p.m. reservations would matter. They showed up 50 minutes late. I was able to hold my piece but I had some salad to help cool me down while we waited.

The night was lots of fun. I'm glad Slim has a permanent girlfriend and I miss T's girlfriend. I think they should get back together just so mingling with him will be fun again.

Tomorrow and maybe part of tonight will hopefully be even more productive. I have trial on Wednesday and then I have to go out of town. So I need to get what I can done now.

In other things I'm a bit annoyed at folks and their situations. Mr A's goddaugther is supposed to go to middle school in our neighborhood. The girls mother called Mr A and they need a ride. I figure this might end a disaster. If she can't get her kid to the orientation, getting her to school might end up a disaster.

I don't believe that she doesn't have the means to get them over here and if she doesn't then that is bad because I think this school stuff should have been important enough for her to plan ahead. I'd be scrubbing floors with a toothbrush or something if I needed to get my kids bus fare or snacks. Mr A may try but I don't know how we can counter what she is surrounded by. Something is going to win and Mr A is determined to be that something. We shall see.

It's just frustrating and I think government assistance has just crippled people. I have a client calling harassing me about money that is supposed to be used for her child to get tutoring. She has no intention of getting the girl tutoring. Education always comes last for some folks and those are the folks who seem to maintain a lifestyle of poverty through generations.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


I have been a busy bee the last week. Mr A and I went out of town for the weekend and met up with my mom and TR. We hung out with his dad who lives in the city my mom, TR were visiting. I still think it's amazing that Mr A and his family moved to the obscure city where my maternal family are from and where I spent many childhood summers.

TR got to eat fresh off the tree peaches and play with my great uncles dogs. I used to do the same things in that city. She even went to and played in the park we used to go to as kids. She slid down the slide and climbed some type of rope ladder. Mr A and I had a great time watching how advanced her slide skills have gotten. We don't need to hold her as she slides down and she knows how to land.
I travelled to Oakland with my mom and TR and had trial on Monday and court later that week. I had too much to do.
TR has had a wonderful summer. She walks around my moms house like she runs things and she does. My mom keeps fruit on the tables so TR spends her day eating grapes and nectarines and peaches. I even saw her trying to get watermelon out of the fridge. My mom cooks greens 5-6 days a week and TR loves them. I am going to learn to cook them.
I'm very happy TR got to spend her summer being loved, adored and spoiled by folks other than us. She sings in the choir in Oakland and has been fussed over by most of the church members. She is a people person. Most of her days in L.A are just her and me alone from 7 to 6 and then me and Mr. A. It's important to me that she get to be around people she can interact with. She is big enough now to actually play with the babies at the park but the babies rotate and I like consistency.
That turned out to be a total mommy post but I am a mommy.

Mr A had a birthday. We had dinner with friends. I will post on that excitement later.

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Biz

Earlier this year I made a goal to settle at least one case every month and have at least one check come in each month. That has actually happened. GO Me! Being self-employed my money doesn't necessarily come at the conclusion of a project. It certainly doesn't come bi-monthly or monthly. This monthly earnings thing is an accomplishment.

I didn't file anything in July or August, because everyone needs a break. I plan to get back on things next week. I should still be getting checks in August and September because I've been on the ball.

If I start back to work in late August I might see a check in October.

My new goal is take and settle/conclude at least 3 cases each month and have at least 3 checks each month.

My work isn't usually time consuming, but I battle being lazy. I could take more work but I need to get in a groove. I also battle a money problem. I'm not greedy. I'm happy to have all I need and enough for what I want with extra for just in case. As I result I don't work a lot. Once I get my mojo I'd like to put away the current yearly cost of the high school I want to send TR to. If I can put that sum up for 4 years, I can relax when its time for her to start high school. That will be a great incentive.

I had a financial goal for TR and she met it. She was able to fund a C.D. with an interest rate that is higher than what my mother had been seeing. I'm excited for her. My mother has been letting her pay the gardeners (handing them the money) and doing other business stuff. My babe is already in training. One gardener calls TR "the Boss lady".

I have set a minimum amount of money I'd like to earn each month. Mr A brings home enough to pay all bills and allow us to live comfy so my additional funds go towards us being wasteful - stimulating the economy- and savings.

But if we can step it up why not? My goal is to fund an account to pay all living expenses for year 2010 by December 2009. Fund a separate business account to pay our business expenses and work travel. And fund an account to pay the nanny for 1 year. Then we'll put all earnings into another account and watch it grow. Its peace of mind to be self-employed and know you have the year covered.

I think work is more enjoyable when you aren't working to pay bills. If we have all the money set aside and labelled then I am working for the adrenalin rush. I also notice that money brings money.

I'm excited. I'll keep ya'll updated.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Mr A and I had a wonderful time in Cabo.

One of his West Point classmates rented a 6 bedroom/5 bath private villa in Pedregal with Ocean Views. The classmates invited their group of friends to come and lodging was complimentary for his guests. Mr A has a fun group of friends.

I thought Cabo was beautiful. We were at the edge of the peninsula of Baja California. Smack in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and the Sea of Cotez.

I liked that our Villa was in town so we were near everything. Another couple has kids so next year we plan to bring the babies.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Team A

I had a mediation today in a beach city. After the mediation I stopped by Costco in Manhattan Beach to pick up a few things and get gas.

I put the items in the trunk with the intent that they would stay there until Mr. A got home. Then I went to get gas and realized I didn't know what side the tank was on. Mr. A always gets the gas.

I went to the grocery store and only brought in the light stuff because Mr. A brings in the heavy stuff.

My last post might have done a little man bashing but as I was moving around today I realized how much Mr. A does for me and how fortunate I am that he doesn't try to work me to death.

I know there are a lot of tasks the man is responsible for on top of work.

I decided to paint TR's room and after I've picked out the paint and picked which wall will be the accent wall, Mr. A will tape and paint.

I bought a big heavy rug for TR's room and when it was time to pick it up I stood back and took photos while Mr A and the guy at Pottery Barn put it in the car.

Mr. A adds a huge amount of value, ease and pleasure to my life.

If I want a snack he'll leave home and pick it up, if we're in the car and I want a slurpee, he'll go in and get it. If something breaks I tell him.

When we got our new computer and printer he set it up. It isn't that I can't because I picked out the same printer for my mother and set hers up. He just does. If something needs to be assembled he does it. If something needs to be broken down, he does it. If something is high, he gets it, despite my having a step ladder in close proximity.

If I mention some trouble I'm having in anything, he'll figure out a strategy to solve my problem or ease my load. If I want to play Mario Kart he sets everything up. He's taken great care of me when I'm sick and doesn't rush me to get well. I could go on and on and on.

When we do something together or individually I often shout "Team A". That's us. We do it together. All accomplishments are ours together.

When we were at dinner and talking about the girl being worked to death, the guys just looked at us. Mr A was telling her how the guy cleans up before she gets home and how he shuts everything down to make sure the house looks like she likes it when she walks in the door.

She agreed that he does that because clutter messes with her mind. When they first moved in, I saw him hanging up stuff exactly where she'd told him to put it and nervously waiting for her approval. She told me how she had complained about the grout on the floors and he got some stuff to change the color of them.

I'm a femme nazi so I'm always inclined to take the woman's side.

There are some men out there, who get a wife and treats her like a roomate/laborer but there are many others who get a wife and love her. They ensure there are things she never has to think about and are responsive to her needs and wants.

Shout out to those fellas and especially to Mr A for marrying a spoiled woman and continuing to spoil her.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Indentured Servitude

I think marriage can seem like slavery for a woman when the wife works and the man doesn't help out at home.

Mr A and I had dinner with another couple and the woman was saying how she comes home, washes her hands and doesn't always have time to take off her work clothes. The man gets off work before her but waits for her to cook. She also had to wash the dishes/ clean the kitchen after dinner.

She had a side business that was doing very well but with her day job and taking care of him she doesn't have time or energy for the business.

She said after she gets in around 5:30, cooks dinner, eats and gets the dishes its 10 o'clock. She said she sometimes has to go to the grocery store and usually has to menu plan.

She said she couldn't see herself having kids because he was enough work.

I had nothing for her. I understand a man being traditional but if the wife is working I would think he would share the load so as not to work her to death or exhaustion.

Dinner has to be cooked every night, kitchens need to be cleaned as many times as cooking occurs, food needs to be purchased, grocery stores need to be visited. A man has to mow the law and wash cars once a week and less in winter. He takes out garbage and that takes a few moments out of his time. For as many other occasional tasks as he might have a woman has an equal amount. He might have to plunge a toilet and she has to mend buttons.

I think its crazy when people claim the traditional man load is comparable to the traditional woman load. How can a woman be expected to do from 5 to 9 or 10 what she used to spend the day doing, without collapsing. When does she unwind and relax?

I don't understand and I really want to ask one of these fellas why they are okay to let their mate (who is paying bills like they are) work a full day and then come home and keep working, while they watch and relax.

I want to ask the women did they bump their head? Why are they working and paying bills just like the man, and still trying to carry on like women did when we only worked inside the home.

I support roles. But I think they are easily abused. Roles are important. Mr A and I can't both water the plant or give TR vitamins. Roles make life smooth.

This is something I'm really curious about. I couldn't respond when it was discussed because this is one of those things that perplex me into silence.

The only solutions I see are a maid/cook, him helping or her getting over it.

I personally don't know any women who worked a full day at a job and were suzy homemaker at home after the job. I don't know what the solution is.