Thursday, July 30, 2009

Europe in L.A.

Last night Mr A asked me to be his breakfast date. I agreed.

This morning we walked to a French cafe in the Village. The food was wonderful and its 3 p.m. and I am still full. It didn't look like a lot of food but it was.

The Village has lots of sidewalk dining but we sat inside. I think I saw one of the Cheetah Girls eating at one of the spots.

I don't know why so many celebs hang out over there but they do and no one bothers them. They always stop Mr A and tell him how cute TR is. A man pushing a baby around gets lots of attention. I push the same baby and people say hi to her but not me. But its okay because she is super social. I also think people like it because he's young.

TR and MR A came with me to pilates last week and the two of them took a walk down North Melrose. A radio dj stopped him and told him 'they say we ain't doing it so I'm glad to see someone else doing it' or something along those lines. Mr A told him about the fatherhood nonprofit he is involved with and voila- instant networking. TR is a magnet.

Breakfast and our walk back home was lovely.

I enjoy our neighborhood. I love that its walkable, that we have a wonderful park at the end of our block, that its full of babies for TR to play with and mommies for me to talk to. I love that we're right on the bus line and can take a quick bus downtown or to Beverly Hills or Westwood.

I'm reconsidering my desire to be nestled in the hills of the city and thinking I'd like to remain in the walkable parts of the cit. Its nice to be able to step outside and be somewhere in a short time.

The main reason I prefer living in the city is that I like being somewhere. I like the activity and access. It makes sense that I live in an area smack in the middle of the action.

There are so many options and so many decisions that have to be factored into where we live. Location being number 1 on my list. Then bedroom placement. I need the rooms to be close enough so that I can be near my babies, but far enough so I can get space when they are teens but still close enough I can stay on top of their shenningans.

I am still going to take that picture. I'm going to pilates class later so I'll be dressed and Mr A can take a photo.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Don't Compare

There are realms.

I can barely write this because I am confused. I can barely write because I don't understand people's reasoning.

I will explain my reasoning.

If I live in a mansion, have a child and am not with my mate and have the means, I will ensure my mate lives in a mansion. The reason for that is because I want my child to have the plushest life I can afford to give her.

I don't understand the mentality that you don't give the child's parent something because the parent might enjoy it. Its about the kid enjoying it and having the lifestyle they would have enjoyed had the parents stayed together.

I am annoyed that people apply their own finances to others. For instance, there are some folks who hear a woman getting $50 per month in child support and think its alot. Others think its nothing.

There are some who get $5000 a month in child support. Some think its a lot, others think its nothing.

Same with those getting $50k a month. Some think its a lot and others think its nothing.

What is exorbitant or low to you is not manditorily exorbitant or low to others. You are not the standard for the world. Why do people try to apply their circumstance to everyone? Why can't people see that normal to them is not normal to the world?

No one is the standard of normal. You are just the standard of what is normal to you.

I'm sure we've had people comment on a purchase and either say that's a lot. To us it may not be a lot because of what we are used to or what we have. People judge you by what the are familiar with, which is probably why we are admonished not to judge. We don't know enough and we are limited by the realm we are familiar with.

A man has complete control over the release of his sperm. They are not victims. They are not being robbed. If a woman complains how the child's father is not stepping up, then she is blamed for allowing a trifling man to sex her and impregnate her. If a woman has a child by a man with the means to give finance a comfortable life, the woman is called all sorts of names.

Either way the woman is cast as the bad person and that to me is a sign of an issue with the eyes judging.

That is all.

On My Way

I'm heading to pilates shortly.

Mr A and I are going on vacation in some days and I feel like my body is ready to be bared on the beach but I'm still feeling obese.

I stepped on the scale today and I'm 6 pounds over my ideal weight. My ideal weight is the weight I've been since I was 20. When I'm that weight and in shape, I am slim but not skinny.

I got below that weight when I was 23 or so and my grandmother said, "stop, Do not lose any more weight, quit all that working out. A woman is supposed to have some softness to her." So I made it a point never to go below a certain weight. If my grandmother felt compelled to speak I know I must have looked a mess.

I haven't been dieting because I don't deprive myself of food. My father also told me during my skinny days to keep weight on me. He said folks need to have some stored so they can survive if they get sick.

I've never had to diet to lose weight. Exercise always does the trick for me plus I like my body to look healthy and sometimes denying your body food just makes you sag and look drawn.

I just thought I'd share my body issues with you guys. Maybe I'll have Mr A take photos and then ya'll can watch my progress. But I am grateful to be toning up. Tone is more important to me than size. I like the ability to wear clothes that shows my butt cheeks. Sure I only wear them around the house but I still like to look good.

Mr A has a great physique. He still has his football body, with a little less chisel but still quite chisled. I want us to be that couple with great bodies and active lives. TR can already do pull ups so I think she'll be an athlete and we'll be a physically fit family- if I can keep being fit.

I am glad I still have the desire to look good. I have heard to many women excuse their overweightness by pointing out they had kids. I don't think kids do all that. Now it can be a challenge to find the time to work out once they arrive but people make time for what they want. If folks don't want to be in shape that's fine, but blaming babies seems like an excuse.

Monday, July 27, 2009

if you believe

I always remember the line from Skeleton Key. "It can't hurt you if you don't believe."

That is true of so much in life. If I put someone down with my words, it can't hurt them if they don't believe. If someone tries to put me in a box, define me, or limit what I can do, it can only hurt me if I believe.

Years ago I was visiting a church and Bishop Noel Jones was the speaker. It was the first time I ever heard him. He told the story of a woman who had a man and she was paying bills, they bought a home together, she was buying things for him, she took great care of him, and did what she could to treat him well and 'keep him' loving her.

That man left her for another woman. He proceeded to buy that woman a house, buy her clothes and treat her very well and do what he could to 'keep her' loving him.

The woman asked Jones how the man could leave all she gave to get with someone who he had to give everything to.

Jones told her, its easy for a man to leave a woman that he hasn't put any work into. Its hard for a man to leave a woman who he has a invested in. If he thought about leaving, he'd think about all his time and money and energy and feel like he had too much to lose.

I believed that.

Every since then I just shake my head when I hear women bragging about all they can offer a man in material possessions. Its often said as if they puts them up on other women.

When I hear my gradmothers, great aunts, mother and women my mothers age talk about courting, the man was always the one telling the woman what they offered. How and when did things flip.

Now women are discussing keeping me, getting men, romancing men, attracting men. I realize the idea is that men are some hot commodity but as they said in the skeleton key, it can't hurt you if you don't believe.

I was saying to some folks how Mr A has set up picnics for us. He had a gf break up with him because he never made her a picnic. I appreciate that girl because he knew the value of such things after her. Men are still doing things to attract women, but a lot of women are so busy trying to attract and keep a man that they don't allow it.

Mr. A regularly tells our goddaugther, not to be out trying to attract men or do stuff to get their attention. He always says, "everything a man does, he does for a woman."

I think more women need to know that so we can get back to the balance that existed in my mother and grandmother's day. Men being men and doing what they did to attract women.

If I hear another woman talking about what a catch she is because of her accumulated assets, I might start cursing. It's not okay for a man to want a woman because of the financial upgrade she can offer him. What type of man looks for that in a woman anyway?

Saturday, July 25, 2009

She Get it From her Momma

Sometimes I say stuff and folks will say 'wow' 'profound' or something similar.

Most of the times I get the stuff from my momma and recently from Bishop Noel Jones. I like when people can make sense without being superfluous. Those with gifts of communication speak so that everyone can understand. If they use a huge word its in context so folks without dictionaries know what it means and its appropriately placed not just stroking their ego.

My cousin was on facebook asking the person gossiping about her to stop.

My mother told me once that when someone comes to you telling you what someone else said, your first question should be, "I know you defended me?" She said don't allow folks to use you as a garbage can to hold trash. If someone is telling you about what they heard they were a part of the conversation too or the negative talk wouldn't be so extensive.

I like to hold on to wisdom and wise thoughts. I listen and I remember.

So I told me cousin that the person who takes the trash often smells worse than the person giving the trash and folks should want more from life then to be a garbage can.

Sometimes people will eat up gossip and then come tell you what they heard. They pretend like they are on your side and have clean hands.

So far I don't have trash carriers in my life. I'm sure writing this post might dredge up some but I know how to get rid of them. "I know you defended me, right?"

Be wary of those who sin with you, for they will sin against you!



Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Look at me, now ain't God good.

I have to stayed prayed up so I don't gloat over stuff. It's hard. I want to say something crazy to some folks. The primary reason I will not wish misfortune on others or take joy(for too long) in their misfortune is because I believe the negative energy I try to send them, will befall me. Gotta pray that they make it through and are blessed.

But I'd love to get the inside info on whether they realize, what they said of others is what will be said of them.

If people have nothing to say or do, they should keep their poisonous tongues off folks because they swallow the poison. They jack up their own favor.

I believe many times we find ourselves trying to battle or talk down the blessing God has for someone else. That is not a battle I want and since I don't know the source of what people are doing, I refocus my thoughts.

Many times my blessing came because I had to redirect after someone tried to block me. Their evil resulted in my good. God gets folks where he wants them to be, which is why I keep moving.

I love this entire song!!

My favorite part is

Wasn't it you that said that I thought I was all that
And you said I didn't have a clue
Wasn't it you that said
That I wouldn't make it through
Wasn't it you that said that I wouldn't do too good
Look at me, now ain't God good
And now I made it out the hood
I want you to know that I'm doing so good


So Good Lyrics


Tuesday, July 21, 2009


If I didn't have junk in my trunk, Pilates Plus would have given me buns of steel. But I still have jelly but its nice and taut.

I am loving this exercise program. My belly is still round but all else is doing well. Mr A says abs need lots of focus. Apparently months of no exercise and eating well has taken its toll on my abs. I'll get it together before we get to our next baby.

When I leave home I feel so trim, then I get to Pilates which is located in West Hollywood and I feel like a blimp. My butt is much larger than anyone else in the class. I have hips and while my thighs are slim compared to many, when I get to class one of my thighs is equal to both of any of those women. I try to never get below 130 so I'll never purposely try to be skinny.

Most importantly I feel good. The workout is challenging and engaging. It doesn't leave me with a gym body. Gym bodies are the bodies where its obvious specific muscle groups are focused on. If I was a dancer I'd have a dancer's body. If I ran track I'd have a track body.

Gym bodies have specific defined parts- I guess because people just work what they are interested in and the rest of their body remains plain. It looks contrived to me. I prefer real athleticism.

My bedding should be arriving Wednesday. I am super excited about it and I can't wait to put it on our bed. We usually sleep under just a sheet, regardless of the season but I like the bed to look nice and fluffy when we aren't in it.

Have a lovely hump day!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Joy and Anxiety

Part of the message at church on Sunday was how we live in a society where it is so normal to experience anxiety (expectation of problems) that when we run into people who are happy we think there is something wrong with them.

I appreciated that message. I can't count the number of times - particularly in blogland- I have expressed joy or happiness- and was called delusional, a pretender, fake, naive, and anything else.

I've sat and wondered what the heck is so perfect about what I blog about that it would seem to be fake. But if one's life lense is anxiety or expectation of problems then it makes sense that another persons happiness is questioned.

The minister was saying how some folks walk into their future backwards because they don't see promise of tomorrow, they see problems of the past. They meet new people and are suspicious because of what someone else did. Then they find themselves alone and become the monster they've been looking for.

My father told my brother years ago, if you make a mistake chalk it up to youth and move on. I was listening and took that advice for myself. I have done that. I can't let guilt, anger, mistrust or whatever negative emotion guide my future. I figure if people are still alive it isn't that tragic. I might beat myself up for a day or two but I know God heals so I keep moving.

I know how to let go of thoughts and keep my mind at peace. That is a skill and gift.

Some folks want you to live in your past mistakes. They are evil, IMO. They can dwell there but since God forgives and forgets, I don't need to dwell with them.

He also pointed out how we should assess people by the good they do not the bad they do or don't do. That assessing the bad has us seeing monsters in everyone.

If it seems as if I have lived and am living a perfect life- I am. I recognize the gift God grants us with each new day, I see the good and the promises he has. I believe there is a plan. I may not understand it, I may not like it but I think there is a purpose for everything and that God will make sure His Will is done.

I don't wallow and I know God is real and is able.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

This is for the Cool.......

The Mr. asked me why I hadn't blogged in a while. I appreciate his regular reading of my blogs. Even though I probably talk his ear off most days, he still wants to read what I'm posting.

I've been enjoying my time and don't like to blog about stuff before I do it- don't want the folks with their negative energy shooting nasty my way. I don't want to blog after because the story would be too long and I don't like to give short recaps when only a long recap with satisfy me.

Maybe I'll start using bullets and colored type.

My decorating is going well. I'm trying to keep things child friendly. I want to know what folks do when they move kids into an already decorated home? We're getting rid of stuff, but we are fortunate that mostly everything we owned pre-child was child friendly.

I had no clue what kids could do, until we started living with one. I had an idea but the reality is totally different.

I think parenthood is very rewarding. It's an amazing feeling and worth all the work and effort. I wonder about the mind and heart of a person who has kids and doesn't feel the reward. I wonder about the mind and heart of a person who ever loved a child and thinks other kids aren't valuable enough to be loved. Obviously everyone doesn't love their kid(s) but I wonder how. How do you not fall in love with a helpless little baby, who has total trust, faith and confidence in you and rely on you for everything? It's a pleasure to me and I feel good to be able to provide for my babe. I'm not looking for her to repay me in the future. She can repay me by taking care of and loving the children she might have in the future.

People are crazy and its best to let them be crazed. People are different and have different emotions and its good to allow them their stuff, as long as they don't hurt anyone else.

I think some people want to hurt others, even if they hurt them by failing to act.

I think people with unnatural affections is on the rise. Its scary, but I think more people are able to love and see people as people. The ones that see people as problems are just very vocal and they are recruiting.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Managing My Money

Money is sorta overtaking us. We are being blessed during this recession. Mr A and I are having a slight flood of income and I have lost track of things.

I need to figure out a system to manage and hold these funds. I don't want to mess with stocks until we can invest an amount I can stomach losing.

We haven't spent a lot either. I think we got used to living well on less, so now that we have a lot more we don't feel a need to upgrade. We're also still saving to buy our house while owing no man nothing but love.

I need to discover a system that will work now and grow with us. That's one more thing to put on my continually expanding to do list.

Mr A and I have at least 9 accounts, at 4 banks, for both personal and business and its a lot to manage. We have income arriving from a lot of sources and I'm trying to keep track of those sources. I guess I should make a list. I need to buy a bulletin board to hang all these lists on.

I'll be sure to share what resource I discover or if I just turn this over to our money management over to my mother. Mr A might not like that but she's great at it. She manages the books for my brothers business. He has about 10 employees now. He said he gets emails fron her at 3 and 4 a.m. regarding what is going on with his business financials.

If I had her work ethic I would have been a millionaire by 25. But I'm working on it. We'll see where I am by 35. Although at this point the dollar is so worthless I'll need to be a multi-millionaire to get what a million would have got me 10 years ago.

Enjoy the rest of your week!!


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Busy Bee

Life has gotten busy. As my moms says, "if you want something done, ask a busy person." Her point is when someone has a a lot of time, its because they aren't handling their own business and won't be handling yours either.

I discovered a couple of weeks ago that we have a nanny. Mr A and I had talked about it and agreed to ask the woman and he pulled the trigger. She starts in Sept and I'm excited. Business is getting busier and I'm trying to stay on top of everything.

Pilates Plus is going great. I don't think this exercise has hit the nation yet, so here is a link to what I'm doing. It works very fast and my body is already showing the results. here

Mr. A taught me how to use a .22 and a 9mm. Next time we go we'll practice with a M16.

I grew up with guns in the house. My mom's father first took her shooting when she was 3 or 4. She was also driving his passenger buses alone at 4, so he was training her early. I've always had a little fear or maybe respect of guns but shooting has helped me with that. My mother showed us the guns, let us touch them, told us where they were kept, never locked them away but told us to keep our hands off. And we did. She also told us if we were somewhere and kids pulled out a gun to show or play with, we were to leave the room. I'll likely do the same with TR.

We went to Gower Gulch and discovered that our Japanese spot had gone out of business. We hadn't been there in a while and I sat in the car stunned. It was also 10 p.m. so we had to figure out where we were going to eat. We headed to Pinks but that line was ridiculous. Near Pinks, we found a great spot with wonderful sushi. The food was as good as Katsuya at a 3rd of the price. Excellent! We were fresh from the gun range and not dressed to eat in at Katsuya and were fortunate to find that new spot. The name of our new restaurant is Kazuya. Its close to home, great sushi chef and good prices, its all JOY!!

My holiday weekend was fabulous. The reunion was great. Mr A got up at 4:30 a.m. to head out to the park to start grilling and smoking. We started eating around 1, so the meat had been smoking for hours. Some of the women who were cutting the meat kept wanting him to put it back on the grill because it was not burnt inside and was still pink.

My mother is the first cousin and maintains that role. I told her and she authorized me to tell them no and that they should taste the meat first. Of course everyone loved it. My guy is a grill master. I appreciate him for taking on the role. It used to be my uncle Ro.bert but he's 85 now and wouldn't have survived doing all that meat by himself. The family played games and had a lovely day. TR also had a great time. She is currently the only baby so she got all the attention.

I adore mommyhood and I regularly thank God for allowing me this opportunity and experience. I am grateful to have the baby I have. I enjoy her so much. I'm sure I would have enjoyed any baby I got but this kid is perfect for me. This baby motivates the both of us so much. It feels as if she has always been a part of our lives.

We took our 11 year old goddaughter to the bay with us. She and TR were in the room playing and I heard all these lovely squeals and pure laughter and it just made my heart so light. I went in the room and just watched them play. Kids are work but they bring so much joy with their innocence and outlook. This is why I need a house full. I want the laughs and screams, and all that goes with it. I want to watch them grown and steer them into their own personalities and purpose.

Does it take having kids to appreciate kids? I've always liked babies but now I've begun to enjoy kids.

Have a great week


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

3rd Anniversary Notes

I went to pilates this morning. My body has ceased to have that post work soreness. I guess my muscles have gotten accustomed to the work. I was there before 8:45 and on time for the start of class. I'm starting to be timely. Mr A and his being early arrival strategy is rubbing off on me.

I came home and Mr A had prepared blueberry pancakes and eggs and meat. Yummy. He told me I had a 12 p.m. appointment at my day spa and that everything had been taken care of. I liked that. I told him "everything is taken care of" is one of the best things a woman can hear her mate say- or at least it is for me. The facial and massage were glorious. I fell asleep and when I awoke I felt refreshed.

Mr A also got Mario Kart for me. That was on my wish list. I got him a sports utility watch.

A hater of love tried to throw some iodine in our celebration but love reigns supreme and stuff like that only forces us to team up, and teaming up makes us a stronger couple. It's strange how people bristle up when others are happy. You don't have to be happy for them but why try to destroy.

We plan to go to the shooting range and then to Crustaceans for dinner.

I have a few written notes but don't feel like going to get them so I shall write from memory.

The human spirit can not exist in bondage. You may exist in bondage for 20 years but you eventually try to break free. Point d-on't marry someone who has needs you have to grit your teeth to do.

People who are a lot alike have more difficulties than people who are opposite. Example- the two of you might be putting groceries in the car and put the baby on the roof. You are both alike so no one thinks to get the baby off the roof and you drive off with the baby on the roof. There is no balance.

It's okay to argue, that is how you get to know each other but fight fair and allow the other person their feelings. Allowing Mr. A his feelings is often a challenge for me. The next time Mr A gets upset with me I will make sure I allow him his feelings. I will do my best not to get upset with him for being upset with me.

Have a lovely holiday weekend.